Anxiety, Mental Health and Bisexuality

rape, abuse, suicide ideation, police violence, anxiety

I’ve had depression for most of my life.  I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Distress Syndrome.  But chronic anxiety was something new to me; until 2014, I’d never experienced it.  Anxiety for me wasn’t simply feeling nervous or on edge.  Anxiety felt like a blazing fire behind me, and barrels of oil around me, just waiting to explode.  Anxiety makes me want to run as fast as I can.  It makes me grind my teeth and clench my fists.

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solid right hook

my verbs are dead-end nouns

bed; pill; keys;

                    papers; pill; bed

my words hang stale and faded

like the scrawls of misogyny

on the inside of a bathroom stall

even those written in the ladies’ room

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There is no shame in not taking advice that is not accessible to you

image

Creating these positive affirmation pieces has been an interesting journey for me, as they were very much out of my artistic comfort zone. They aren’t in the style that I usually draw in and differ greatly from all the drawings in my notebooks over the past few years. 

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The Hermit, The Waif, The Witch and The Queen

misogyny, gendered stigma surrounding psychotic disorders, dissociative disorders and personality disorders

The Hermit, The Waif, The Witch and The Queen. These categories represent the stigma still present against feminine-coded mental health conditions, and show the demonisation of women – mothers in particular – still prevalent in psychiatric circles. This piece was my response to the intersection of gender and mental illness.

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“Excerpts from 2013”: I am owning all the things you ever said to me

emotional and sexual abuse

“Excerpts from 2013” is a collection of abusive things my ex partner said to me during and after our relationship. Paired with my photography, it acts as a therapeutic documentation of the relationship.

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This is how you might die

suicide ideation, eating disorders, self harm

Your mother warned you not to go too far – you don’t know how to swim well yet, she says, so stick closer to the coast. Only where you can still stand. “What will happen if I go further?” you ask. She flaps her hands around her, dancing, and tells you you will drown. “You will go into the sea and your father and I won’t be able to bring you home.” So you take your child body into the water, thinking it is not the smartest idea to let a child be so close to deciding her own fate. 

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It’s Okay

Excerpts from a zine.

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Feeling

detailed description of self harm, depression, anxiety

The last couple of things I wrote about depression were accompanied by some extremely terrible (if well received) doodles. Thank you for your grace with regard to my lack of artistic talent. I’m not sure I can do many drawings for this. Partly because they’d be a bit graphic, but mostly because hands are damn hard to draw.

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Understanding the Spectrum

examples of misconceptions and stigma surrounding autism

the spectrum
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A Little Dusk Dementia

I rescued the Plath’s

hardcover from the tentacles

of your dementia,

where spittle has congealed into

the small cracks of its leather bound.

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This Space Relaunch: Call for Submissions

this space relaunch
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Finding Salvation in the Beatles after a Breakdown

nervous breakdown, anxiety, depression, insomnia, negative experiences with anti-depressants

Five years ago, following a string of disappointments and difficulties, I had a nervous breakdown. Mounting anxiety caused by a toxic job, financial insolvency and a botched romance gave away to chronic insomnia, which escalated into daily panic attacks that made me fear I would not last into the impending New Year that was 2010.  

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